Ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMiles

<div class="article_viewer_container"><div class="this_article"><div id="articleViewerPopup_articleViewer" class="article_viewer ArticleViewer text use-3d ltr" data-olive-control="ArticleViewer"><div class="animation-wrapper"><div class="align-wrapper offset-wrapper"><div class="zoom-wrapper"><div class="article" lang="en" xml_lang="en" data-view-mode="text"><div class="Content"><p class="indent">Sorry, but this doesn’t sound like your run-of-the-mill midlife crisis.</p><p class="indent">The two words “Les” and “Miles” are involved, so it has the potential for mass hijinks.</p><p class="indent">Yes, the delightfully quirky former LSU head coach is back in the news again.</p><p class="indent">On the surface, it sounds fairly harmless.</p><p class="indent">But, we all know Les better than that by now and …</p><p class="indent">Anyway, The Advocate of Baton Rouge, in a startling exposé, has uncovered evidence, admitted to by Miles, that he is threatening to unleash an “acting career” on the American populace.</p><p class="indent">Hooray for Hollywood.</p><p class="indent">I’m well aware of today’s date. That’s just a coincidence. This is no April Fool’s tale. Les Miles is dead serious about this.</p><p class="indent">Besides, you couldn’t make this stuff up.</p><p class="indent">Yes, the Mad Hatter could be appearing on the silver screen near you, sometime in the not-so-distant future.</p><p class="indent">Actually, Miles revealed to Ross Dellenger in a heart-tugging tell-all that, as a young boy in Ohio, there were three things that he dreamed of being in life. He had a “want to,” if you will. He wanted to be a major college head football coach — and, no, he’s not sure he’s done scratching that itch — he wanted to be in the movies as a real actor and he wanted to be president … yes, like, the big one, president of these here United States.</p><p class="indent">I’m kind of intrigued by what fun and entertainment would pop up behind the eventual Door No. 3 in that career arc.</p><p class="indent">A couple of years ago, you’ll recall, he did take a clandestine and very unofficial trip to Cuba, and most international specialists took it as a positive that he got in and out of there without the Russians planting any more ballistic missiles therein.</p><p class="indent">So don’t put anything past him.</p><p class="indent">For now, though, apparently he will concentrate of confusing Hollywood with his unusual banter.</p><p class="indent">Like many famous coaches, he’s had cameo roles in a movie or two, stretching the boundaries of the Shakespearean craft to portray a “football coach.”</p><p class="indent">But there was even once a nonfootball movie filming in Baton Rouge that thought it would be cute to make the local coach a police officer and give him a one-line speaking part.</p><p class="indent">“Sir, I’m going to need you to step back,” Miles says while policing a murder scene in “Camera Obscura.” Throw out the “Sir” and it’s a line football coaches use 2,000 times per game on the sidelines.</p><p class="indent">It’s still type-casting.</p><p class="indent">And Miles apparently wants more. Something to challenge his newfound method acting.</p><p class="indent">He’s, like, taking real acting lessons and things, consulting with folks like Tom Cruise and the like to add depth and breadth to his want to.</p><p class="indent">The Mad Hatter hasn’t ruled out another coaching job and he’s going to continue dabbling with TV commentating.</p><p class="indent">But he really wants to be a struggling actor.</p><p class="indent">Not to worry. Miles is still getting $133,000 per month as part of his settlement not to coach at LSU, so he doesn’t have to wait tables, clean pools or mow lawns (before eating them) between acting gigs.</p><p class="indent">Still, it’s a long, uphill battle in a dog-eat-dog entertainment world.</p><p class="indent">But it’s easy to see why Miles might attract the attention of movie moguls.</p><p class="indent">The Mad Hatter has dabbled in the illusionary arts before.</p><p class="indent">Never mind some of his trick plays, the over-the-shoulder gotchas and whatnot that required subtle theatrics to pull off.</p><p class="indent">For that matter, there aren’t many better audition tapes out there than Miles’ famous “Damn Strong Football Team” news conference/tirade moments before the 2007 SEC championship game. The parting wink, a Miles signature move, was a masterful touch combined with the “Have a Great Day” exit line to deny he was taking the Michigan job. But remember, too, this is the talented thespian who for the better of part of six months before the 2016 season put on the theatrical showstopper of a lifetime, a convincing performance that was believable enough to encourage most LSU fans that Brandon Harris was a newand-improved quarterback and clearly a better option at the spot than Danny Etling.</p><p class="indent">Critics raved. Or raged, as it were, when the season began and the charade was unmasked.</p><p class="indent">That show, of course, was partly responsible for him becoming available to the Screen Actors Guild.</p><p class="indent">But how do you write dialogue for him? No one even knows what language he speaks.</p><p class="indent">Will his movies need subtitles to translate the Lesspeak (often mistaken for pig Latin) into English. I spent a dozen years interpreting his news conferences. It’s not for the faint of heart.</p><p class="indent">Worse, what if in this creative fit he gets an inkling to paint, to sculpt or, heaven help us all, to opera-warble.</p><p class="indent">But good luck and godspeed, Les Miles. To be honest we really don’t know what to make of all of this.</p><p class="indent">Whatever. It’s just more proof that, in your next life, you want to come back as Les Miles.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>

<strong>Scooter Hobbs</strong> covers LSU athletics. Email him at <strong>shobbs@americanpress.com</strong>

      112347ac-4eef-11e8-bdac-176c63878f032018-05-03T16:28:00ZWeenie DogsDonna PriceDonnaPriceDesign Editorhttps://www.americanpress.com/content/tncms/avatars/b/c6/c50/bc6c508e-3c0a-11e7-be93-9f980bad91a9.1cca14f4ae56a93adce6b2f34d3674d4.png<p class="p1"><span class="s1">The Rick James Hot Dog with garlic butter fries.</span></p>””

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