Hobbs column: Why does LSU need a sub mascot?

The word on the street, at least the way I’m hearing it, is that all LSU has to do is beat Alabama Saturday night, and the regrettable Misadventures of College Station will be forgiven.

And if that doesn’t tell you who LSU’s biggest, most bitter rival still is, I don’t know what will.

Never mind that Nick Saban doesn’t coach there anymore. Other rivals need not apply.

LSU still wants to beat Alabama more than anybody else and as like most years, there’s something tangible on the line.

It’s being called an Elimination Game for the College Football Playoff, and for good reason— the loser gets a third loss and can forget about getting even a glance from the CFP selection committee.

Saban will likely hang around for the game after doing his duty as part of EPSN’s Game Day cast that morning on the LSU Quadrangle. But he’s promised not to call any Bama plays or get involved in any other mischief related to the game.

Head coach Brian Kelly is taking no chances. He says, with a chuckle, that Saban won’t be allowed in the LSU lockerroom anytime Saturday.

The other scuttlebutt out there is that LSU is pulling out all the stops.

Maybe too many stops.

Word leaked out Thursday that LSU will again have a live mascot in the stadium for the Alabama game.

Not the live mascot, mind you, the esteemed Mike VII, a perfectly functional and very live tiger who lives in feline luxury right across the street from Tiger Stadium in a palatial habitat.

But a live mascot. Just not LSU’s.

Yes, they’re actually going to use a stand-in, a stunt tiger if you will, for reasons no one has really explained.

Who knew the transfer portal had meandered its way into the mascot world?

LSU hasn’t had a live mascot parade into Tiger Stadium since 2015 and that was the late Mike VI, meaning Mike VII has never seen the inside of the joint.

Mike VII’s handlers were not keen on the idea of changing that  protocol, worried that it might be a shock to his system.

For game day, for the fans’ pleasure, Mike VII reigns far more regally in his habitat where more patrons can see him anyway. It’s also a convenient spot to meet up and pick up tickets.

Plus, having a live tiger in the stadium was always one of the most overrated aspects of the Tiger Stadium experience.

Two state legislators who happen to be veterinarians, Sen. Bill Wheat of Ponchatoula and Rep. Wayne McMahen of Springhill, have suggested that it’d be best to leave Mike VII in his familiar surroundings.

The athletic department had no official comment on the matter, which leads me to believe that LSU officials are not in full-blown agreement with state politicians barging in to tell them how to operate a stadium experience that this year celebrates 100 years of very tried-and-true tradition.

LSU is caught in the middle of some political foolishness.

And that’s what this is. It is just the latest chapter from Gov. Jeff Landry, the noted UL-Lafayette alum, in his efforts to enhance the LSU athletic experience and perhaps make some political hay.

Putting the Tiger (or a tiger) back in Tiger Stadium first came up last spring when he was toying with the notion of legislation to revoke athletic scholarships for student-athletes who remained in their dressing quarters during the pregame national anthem (where they’ve always stayed without incident).

Presumably that got bogged down in convenient filibuster.

But they had a work-around for getting a live tiger into the stadium.

Exactly where you find a loaner tiger for the weekend is anybody’s guess. But reportedly this one is from somewhere in Florida.

Not to draw suspicions, but LSU plays the University of Florida in Gainesville next week. So presumably the governor’s staff has done a thorough background check for any hints of espionage and spyware on this tiger with no known LSU connections.

For that matter, what qualifies this faux mascot to perform duties that the real Mike VII can’t be burdened with?

It’s just too bad the famous Truck-Stop Tiger from Gross Tette died a few years ago and can’t be summoned into emergency service. From his humble abode right off I-10 all those years, he surely heard the tall tales of both Tiger Stadium and the fancy mascot digs next door.

It would have been nice for him to drop by for a cameo to see how the other half lives.

 

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