Scooter Hobbs column: Cheez-It, this is confusing

Published 9:00 am Friday, December 30, 2022

There seems to be a lot of confusion — it’s been running rampant, you might say — about exactly what bowl LSU and Purdue are playing in come Monday.

And I’m here to further muddy waters for you.

As usual, there’s a snack food at fault. Happens every time.

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Anyway, you may have heard-tell that the Tigers and Boilermakers will do battle in the Citrus Bowl in Orlando.

That much should be enough to get you through casual conversation.

But it you’re a stickler for full names, there’s more to it than that if you want the whole bag of chips, so to say, except, here again, it’s not really “chips,” but “crackers,” and cheezy ones at that.

So for the persnickety amongst you, be aware that the official, sponsored-up proper name for Monday’s LSU-Purdue affair is the “Cheez-It Citrus Bowl.”

Oh, but wait, you say? I know what you’re thinking. You watched the actual “Cheez-It Bowl” Thursday, and saw Florida State and Oklahoma tangle.

Different animal. Different bowl altogether. Same stadium, same sponsoring snack food. But different games.

The key difference, I suppose, is that the Cheez- It Bowl itself has no other known modifier, while Monday’s more established game often cuts the Cheez-It in informal conversations and is just the Citrus Bowl.

Personally, as a professional writer, I’d use every chance available to use the word Cheez-It in a complete sentence, particularly one involving football.

Adding Cheez-It to the Citrus, a brave pairing indeed, is a fairly new development, and perhaps another signal of the snack’s desire to take over the bowl season.

It’s no easy task.

I happened to bear witness to another bowl’s official sponsorship pandering and it was a scary sight to behold.

That was some years ago when the Peach Bowl in Atlanta became the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl. Or at least it was going to get its new name for the following year’s edition.

But they decided to announce the upcoming sponsorship during halftime of that year’s game.

So, to great pomp and fanfare, hundreds, maybe thousands, of small plastic cows were dropped via mini parachutes from the rafters of the old Georgia Dome, from whence they floated down in meandering, believably bovine fashion, some seemingly not landing (awkwardly) until nearabout the fourth quarter.

There was actually a certain subtle dignity about that ceremony. But I still have nightmares about it.

What is throwing me for a loop now is how all this snacky cheeziness has ended up in Orlando.

It started out there.

I remember when Cheez- It first took over the college bowl season, not in Orlando but in Phoenix for the first Cheez-It Bowl.

It was a wacky game between Cal-Berkley and TCU that featured various and never-ending hilarity, even between the nine interceptions, and amidst all the one-upmanship, still needed

an overtime and one last pick to produce a 10-7 win for the Horned Frogs (who promptly ate the trophy).

It set the game of football back 20-30 years, but set a standard for macabre humor that others will stumble around aimlessly for decades trying to equal.

Maybe it was that night that convinced Cheez-It corporate headquarters to dive headfirst into the holiday bowl season.

How it went cross-country from Phoenix I don’t know.

But literature I’m reading about the sponsorship says “it underscores the brand’s commitment to the sport and its fan base … and as a go-to watch party snack.”

Cheetos must be orange with envy.

Anyway, I say all this to point out the great benefits to society that Cheez-It is making with its football endeavors.

One in particular.

Not living in the past, Cheez-It is embracing Name, Image, Likeness.

It struck a deal with a player from each team in its two Orlando bowls, in LSU’s case backup quarterback Garrett Nussmeier.

No word on how much actual money Nussmeier might receive, but can you really put a monetary value on having your own room at the team hotel decorated from floor to ceiling in a tasteful (and tasty) Cheez-It motif.

I think not. It’s what the bowl season is all about.

Scooter Hobbs covers LSU athletics. Email him at scooter.hobbs@americanpress.com