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Former American Press sportswriter Carl Dubois blogs about the games people play, in and out of sports, and the people you meet between and outside the lines.

Carl is an award-winning reporter and columnist living in the Willamette Valley in northwest Oregon, near Portland. He is sports editor of the News-Register newspaper in McMinnville, Ore.

Craig, at times your list is a pain

Posted October 27, 2009 at 9:59 am
Filed Under People | Leave a Comment

BATON ROUGE — So, I decided to have a virtual garage sale, with Craigslist the liaison between me and my customers. Oy.

This morning I watched as 60something spam e-mails popped into my in-box within seconds. Once the spambots were done with their special brand of evil, I had to go through each one to make sure I wasn’t missing out on a potential sale.

At least 40 were a variation of this:

I found your (pick an item Carl is selling, and it was here in the first sentence) here (insert Craigslist address for my ad). I’ve been doing
the same thing exactly since we both lost our jobs. 3.5 months
ago, it was terrible, but I had to sell (my son’s Xbox / my son’s laptop/ my son’s PlayStation / my daughter’s doll collection) just to survive and it was without a doubt the saddest moment in my life.

Saying it was excruciating could not even begin to describe it clearly,
but I needed to make the house payment or we would be on the street (we were already 4 months behind).

Thank God that will be the last time I have to hurt my kids like that.

One of my (cousins / good buds / neighbors / whatever) showed me what he is doing to earn great income on-line. I could not believe he’d share this with me, but I am truly appreciative that I am sharing this with everyone who needs a financial break and who might be in a similar situation.

Thank God it’s easy or I would not have been able to do it, not to mention it is the most financially set I have ever felt before. I promise you will find this page worth the 90 seconds it it takes you to look it over.

Oh, and here is the link: (insert link to evil here).

Take care, and God Bless You!

“Oh, and here is the link.” Don’t you like that? Very casual. Oh, I almost forgot! Here is the whole point of why I decided to ruin your morning and maybe your financial future!

Oh, and here is hell. And it’s a special brand of evil, because of this line:

Thank God that will be the last time I have to hurt my kids like that.

There is a word. A bad word. I am thinking of it. I am not typing it.

Anyway, these e-mails came from “people” with the most bizarre made-up names: King Ascione, Cyber Panjab, Marguerite Wylfkinstocking, Margitt Boone, Puffball Caviness, Pubescent Neutra, Lisha Quintana, John Cocktoasten (OK, that’s from “Fletch”) and many others.

Please.

One e-mail had this subject line: I WILL BUY YOUR CABINET ASAP! In the text, it said: I love your cabinet. I would love to pick it up tonight if I could. Please let me know. Thanks!

It was from Deepto Mukherjee. Now, after all the others, I’m prejudiced to think this is another fake, but is it? Somewhere in this big world, someone probably has that name.

Finally, I got a series of e-mails that read as follows:

How about this?

up to $2,201 per month 19hrs a week
up to $4,110 per month 28hrs a week
62 People Wanted asap!

(insert link to shady Internet business here)

mwdfqepjmry

Is that the person’s signature? mwdfqepjmry?

If I found the person responsible for all this spam, I’d send them 100 versions of this in an e-mail:

Uh, how about this?

fist [Desktop Resolution]