Workers shovel snow off the seating area at MetLife Stadium this week ahead of Super Bowl XLVIII. (Associated Press)
Last Modified: Monday, January 27, 2014 12:59 PM
Yeah, that’s cute. You get in the car, roll down the window and … whoa!
It’s not another window at all.
It’s ice. ICE! A perfectly thin sheet of ice and — wow — it’s perfectly sculpted and shaped to look just like another car side window.
How cool is that?
Pretty darn cool, I’m telling you, and from personal experience.
Mother Nature at her finest and most creative. Your Ford grew another window overnight.
But one would have thought that, as an offshoot to the rare winter event Friday morning, that South Louisiana believed it had, without warning, stumbled onto the discovery of cold fusion or something.
Word of the startling “ice windows” quickly spread. Facebook almost blew up with amazing videos of the creatures.
There were several odd moments to go with the brief foray into a polar winter, but clearly the icy faux car windows were the biggest hit around here.
I talked to people who had had the good sense to keep their cars in covered garages Thursday night. Some felt alienated on Facebook the next day. Shoveling up all the sort-of-semi-snow and kind-of-sleet on the patio and wrapping it around a tennis ball for a 3-inch snowman just wasn’t creating much of a buzz.
Neither were the tall tales of icicles, and that “grass that crunched under your feet” lost its appeal quickly.
But several said the next time a winter event looms they were going to purposely leave their cars exposed to the harsh elements. That’s so as not to miss out on the fun the next morning, the glory of rolling down the window and finding a grand layer of elegant ice still there staring at you.
And that’s just the half of it, of course.
Marvel at it for more than 30 seconds and soon enough the artistry of it wears off and the urge kicks in and you smash a fist through it — with a grand explosion of slivery ice bursting into a million pieces. The kids will marvel at it. You’re a neighborhood hero.
Who knows? Maybe that’s how Hollywood smashes car “windows” to smithereens.
But, yes. Great wholesome fun, suitable for the entire family, memories for a lifetime.
We were all fascinated by it. Me, too.
But we need to stop it. Just stop it right now.
Never mind that up North they’re laughing at us down South.
Oh, they are. Hysterically, too. Mostly for scraping iced-over windshields with kitchen spatulas and butter knives, if not tire tools.
But we don’t care about that.
We do need to cool it, though.
This is supposed to be a big week for down South, and we’re in danger of spoiling it.
So for now, just hush up about the miracle of the ice windows on your car.
This is the week — Super Bowl Week — that we’ve been waiting on. This is the week we sit back smugly and let the NFL hang itself.
This is the week, or so we all hope, that the NFL admits that playing the Super Bowl in the New Jersey Arctic is an awful idea that should never have been considered.
Hosting Super Bowls is a Sun Belt endeavor, not to be attempted elsewhere.
Super Bowls are supposed to be played with a backdrop of either palm trees or French Quarters, preferably with beignets for everybody.
Snowblowers and wind chill should not be in the equation.
The Super Bowl is as much a vacation event as a ballgame. If you must have snow, move it to Vail.
So I think secretly (well, not so secretly perhaps) all of us down South are hoping that the Blizzard of the Century hits MetLife Stadium next Sunday at approximately 6:20 p.m. EST.
That’ll teach them.
But with Southern ice windows going viral and cars still skidding into the median, all it will do is remind everyone that the coldest outdoor Super Bowl on record, 39 degrees, was actually played in New Orleans in 1972, at the old Tulane Stadium.
My retort to that would be: That was well before the aid of global warming and, what’s more, that’s probably why they had the good sense to build the Superdome.
Besides, it was nothing a little hot chocolate couldn’t handle.
Next Sunday in the New York area will surely shatter that mark. The colder the better. Preferably with ice and sleet and snow drifts the size of the Adirondacks.
The NFL doesn’t leave much to chance, and they’re trying, even with something as stubborn as the weather.
The league has a couple of contingency plans in place should the forecast just refuse to cooperate.
One would be to move the game up to Saturday.
Two would be to move it to Monday.
I might suggest a third option — Miami.
Instead, the NFL will greet Super Bowl fans at the stadium with a care package that includes lip balm, ear muffs, hat, mittens, Gaiter-dana scarf (Gator Who?), six hand warmers and a hand muff.
It still sounds like a bad idea.
But just think of all ice windows in the parking lot after the game.
Scooter Hobbs covers LSU athletics. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org