Dr. Wallace:

I’m confused! You keep saying that love conquers all, but you encourage teens not to have sex before marriage when they love each other and sex is the ultimate form of love.

My boyfriend and I have been having loving sex for almost a year and it’s wonderful. Before having sex we thought we loved each other, but after we started a sexual relationship we fell in love with our bodies, hearts and souls. We are now soul mates. We are both in 12th grade and plan to live together when we both have jobs that can support our lifestyle. We probably will be married after we graduate.

Please stop writing that love is great and that unwed lovers should abstain from the ultimate love — sex. It just doesn’t make sense. — Anonymous, via email

Anonymous:

You and your boyfriend presently are the exception rather than the rule. Most teen sex is void of love and filled with an abundance of lust. I have received a myriad of letters and emails from teen girls who gave in to their boyfriends’ demands of “If you love me, you will have sex with me,” only to have the guy end the relationship after he got what he wanted.

Please read the following letter from a young lady who wished she had said no to teen sex. This is not an isolated letter. I have received an enormous number of similar responses.

Here it is:

“John and I dated steadily for 18 months. He was the perfect guy. He was sweet, polite, sensitive, caring, humorous, and treated me wonderfully. We discussed having sex when we were ready to accept responsibility, but he never pressured me.

After many discussions we both agreed that sharing sex would be the ultimate display of love and would seal our love forever. John and I only had sex two times. After the first time, he sort of changed. I didn’t know what his problem was. Our second sexual encounter was a month after the first and, believe it or not, I was the aggressor. I’m still in shock about this.

One week later, John called me and said that he still cared for me, but that he didn’t want to go out with me again. When I asked him why, he couldn’t or wouldn’t give me an answer. Two months have passed and the only time I see John is at school, and all we say to each other is ‘hi’ and then he looks the other way.

John is dating another girl and I get upset when I see him talk to her. He was supposed to be mine. He was my one and only true love. He was my knight in shining armor. Now he’s my ex — a lost love forever. I gave him everything then he moved on.

Why did I lose? You guessed it — sex. I guess we were not as mature as we thought we were. I keep asking myself, “Why did he dump me?” The answer is probably because I gave him everything, and once he had everything he moved on. — One Sorry Girl, Toledo, Ohio

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Dr. Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com.

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