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Hobbs Column: ESPN knows what's best for you

Last Modified: Friday, July 26, 2013 2:57 PM

By Scooter Hobbs / American Press

Today’s essay comes to you via ESPN3, the handy, sort of spin-off of the worldwide leader that, as you know, these days controls the sports landscape and what you get to see of it.

I know it would be easier just to read it here in newsprint, but ESPN paid a gazillion dollars for the column rights and they can get it to you however they please. It wasn’t my idea.

But this is actually, I’m told, a much better and more efficient way because it is very handy now to access it from anywhere through the miracle of your PC, your laptop, tablet, cellphone or, for the technically inclined, probably your toaster, your microwave and some really advanced electric razors.

So bravo, bravo to ESPN for taking such good care of LSU fans durin ....... ...... .... .... ...... ........ ............. ........ ............ ..........

Sorry. I had to reboot the laptop. Sort of like watching the Baton Rouge Regional last week.

While you were gone and the little icon was spinning, you missed some really clever observations and some startling revelations about some things.

But, as I was saying, this is the world we live in. ESPN’s world. They know what is best for you. They have done extensive research and found that .... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ...... ..... ..... ..... ......

Sorry. We’re back now. Dang thing crashed again. You missed a solution to the debt crisis, a Beatles reunion and a ninth-inning grand slam.

But it’s back up and running now.

Anyway, to address the problems LSU fans had watching their Tigers muddle through the regional last week, many are confused. Though many enjoy now being able to watch the game on their high-speed blender, they wonder why it couldn’t appear on one of the 4,292 channels on their 92-inch TV set.

Well, the answer is simple. As ESPN explained, if you look at the big picture, it is because ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ...... .....

Dang it. Jammed up again. Hold on. It’s rebooting. Just a second. While you were gone there was a confirmed Elvis sighting, an unannounced moon landing and a triple play.

But as for the Tigers’ games last week, see, they were there on ESPN3. So they were on TV. Just not your TV. Or anybody else’s. They were on pseudo TV, a figment of TV’s imagination, and perhaps the wave of the future. And ESPN Mother Ship has already flatly denied that ESPN3, whatever it is, was created just so they’d have somewhere to park the stuff they buy but don’t really want to put on real TV.

You’d think that if they didn’t want to put it on your TV, then they could at least offer it up ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ......

This is really getting annoying. Just a minor glitch, though. It’ll be back up and running in no time. You only missed the wardrobe malfunction at the Victoria’s Secret convention and both head coaches getting tossed out of the game.

See, the system works fine. It’s you who doesn’t know how to work your laptop or cellphone or Cuisinart. If you did, the LSU game would be coming in just fine on a wide array of platforms.

You don’t need to watch it on your TV. That’s soooo last April. Your Waterpik will pick it up just fine if you just follow the three pages of detailed and easy-to-follow instructions before the overload causes your computer to ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ...... .....

Dang, I thought I had it that time. OK, back up now though. If you want progress, you have to put up with some inconveniences. That dive into the outfield bleachers wasn’t really that exciting anyway and the bleeding has pretty well been contained.

So, where were we? I know LSU fans are wondering how come three-fourths of the Tigers’ regular-season games are shown on an actual television set, even if the SEC tournament was sometimes a moving target. Yet when the games start really mattering, all of sudden you have to crack a secret code to get them (but, hey, you can watch them on your cappuccino thingamajiggy).

Anyway, what LSU fans have to understand is that ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ...... ..... .... ... ... .... ..... .... ... .... .. ... .... ........ ...... ....

Hang with us. It was working just fine a minute ago. You really didn’t miss much this time. Starting to get the hang of the quick boot.

But LSU fans have to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them, even the college baseball world. ESPN made the call that the Tigers weren’t worthy of prime time, and ESPN knows what’s best for you.

Lots of the regional games were on real television. But, you see, what LSU fans didn’t realize was that their regional really wasn’t considered must-see TV. It was kind of a lackluster regional with no brand names minus LSU. There were far better regionals elsewhere to put on TV. Nobody really wanted to watch the LSU regional and the reason your laptop kept crashing with ESPN3 is because too many people were trying to access it and overloaded the system and ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... .... .... ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ...... ..... .... ... ... .... ..... .... ... .... .. ... .... ........ ...... ....

OK. This is getting really annoying. I’m not rebooting again. So before it crashes again, let me just say this real quickly.

If last weekend was any indication, the SEC Network is going to really be fun.

• • •

Scooter Hobbs covers LSU athletics. Email him at shobbs@americanpress.com

Posted By: Ruxton Istre On: 6/5/2013

Title: I guess I was lucky...

The first game I watched on ESPN3 (against SHSU) was via my laptop and video quality degraded about the 7th inning. But was still legible and watchable. Second game I watched was against ULLaf and this time I used my XBOX 360 and that was perfect. Yes I had to get a XBOX Live Gold membership, but it was just as good as watching regular ESPN. Other than the deplorable announcers ESPN3 has...That all being said, I'm on FTTH (Fiber to the home) with a 6M download capability. Should I have been on DSL with 1.5M...that would have been a no joy for sure.

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