HOOVER, Ala. — Don’t look for Les Miles to be appointed as the United States ambassador to Texas anytime soon.

Yes, your favorite Hat was at it again Wednesday coming up with another entertaining, slightly tongue-tied, pure Les performance at SEC Media Days, one that ended with him muttering to long-time LSU sports information director Michael Bonnette that “I’m going to catch all kinds of hell from Texas.”

He well might.

It’s a long story. Complicated. Probably a misunderstanding. A foul-up in communications. Evidently something got lost in the translation — that unique brand of Miles-speak always has a way of confounding the stenographers the SEC hires for this event.

But the state of Texas, the capital, Austin, in particular, figures to be buzzing.

Miles was a recent tourist to Austin and, astoundingly, found no surf and very little in the way of beach.

But let’s back up again.

One of the highlights of SEC Media Days is always the annual update on the Miles’ brood, sort of a mid-July Christmas letter updating the summer antics of the four very active children.

So this year we find young Manny so inspired by the World Cup that he played a 4-hour pick-up soccer game, little Macy pitching in a 10-and-under softball world series in Orlando — “No-hit a very quality smasher’s club this morning.” — while the eldest girl, “Smacker,” is looking forward to swimming for the University of Texas again.

And that’s where the trouble started.

It came to light Tuesday that South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier’s summer vacation consisted of a rich donor’s private jet to the Bahamas, where they enjoyed the comforts of the same donor’s large and private yacht.

The Miles clan, on the other hand, packed up the SUV, piled everybody in and headed over to Austin to visit Smacker as she prepares for her sophomore year at UT.

“So we had six —two parents and four children on that campus,” Miles explained. “It was miserable. I hated it.”

Twitter promptly exploded post haste.

It didn’t seem to matter that Miles continued the trip report with “But it was great fun … it was my family, and that was the best.”

Most analysts, though largely unschooled in Les-speak, seemed to agree that Miles appeared to attributing any pleasure from the vacation to time with family rather than any of the attractions of Austin.

The effect on always-testy Louisiana-Texas relations (i.e., recruiting) was unclear, but trained negotiators were moving quickly to try to repair the faux pas in diplomacy.

As for SEC Media Days controversies, some were comparing it to the year Spurrier “accidently” left Tim Tebow off of his preseason All-SEC ballot.

Anyway, if you see state militia assembling near Vinton and Orange, Texas, that’s probably the reason.

In fact, Miles’ “misspeak” might have gone unnoticed, except there were roughly 500 reporters packed into the ballroom, including — wouldn’t you know it —the sports columnist from the Austin-American Statesman.

“I’d be remiss in not asking you why you hated your time in Austin so much,” asked Kirk Bohls, who may, in fact, have been attempting to stir the pot of a fairly uneventful media days.

“Oh, no, no, no no,” answered Miles, apparently realizing for the first time the consequences of his brief foray into travel reviews.

Austin was fine, Miles said, “It was just not … ‘vacation.’

“I loved it. My daughter’s doing wonderfully there. I enjoy the experience she’s having there.

“But it was not a beach. There was no hotel that I walked out of and jumped into the surf.”

Maybe they should have checked and read the fine print in the travel brochures more carefully.

Not to worry, though, as the Miles Family Vacation — why is it not a reality TV show? — persevered through Austin.

“The great news is, as a family, we did some things we never would have done,” Miles said. “I’m glad you asked this question.”

There was laughter throughout the press conference and it was not, as some rabble-rousers have suggested, “nervous laughter.”

“Example, we rented bikes,” Miles said before flying too close to the sun again. “It just happened to rain like hell.”

The Austin Chamber of Commerce was not immediately available to talk about the weather.

Nor about this:

“There were a bunch of hills down there,” Miles alleged. “I’m watching my children going down this HILL. I promise you, some of the experiences I had there I’ll not have again.”

My guess is that the situation, once things settle down and cooler hears prevail, can be salvaged.

Complicating matters, LSU will open the season in Houston against Wisconsin, but Houston doesn’t have many more hills than Louisiana and may overlook the reckless accusations.

His next official Lone Star foray into will be on Thanksgiving Day when the Tigers travel to College Station, which is also short on sandy beaches, to take on Texas A&M.

But the Aggies don’t care much for Austin either and, in fact, the campus might well throw a parade in Miles’ honor.

This, too, will blow over. Just Les being Les again.

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Scooter Hobbs covers LSU sports. Email him at shobbs@americanpress.com

Gerald Herbert/Associated Press